I don’t remember what it is “to be” with anyone any more. I can’t enjoy music any more. I can’t enjoy my favourite fucking albums in the world any more. I can’t sit down and play a video game and let myself get lost in it. I have no way to escape. I can’t even remember your smile.
Worst of all, I have no goddamn idea why I am like this and I want to get help but there is no one there that won’t cost me a few hundred, which I don’t have, and even that would have to wait two months.
I have wanted to die again recently, not because of any particular thing or person but because I am getting really scared there is no way back from this. Whatever is happening is crawling inside my head and eating away anything I used to be before.
Someone please fucking help me.
I managed to successfully prevent a mood swing.
It is nice feeling sane and not being hilariously irrational. I’m going to try and keep this up and just avoid contact with people who get understandably quite pissed off if I do go haywire again.
Now to get my hobbies back, if I can remember what they were.